Need-to-pee scale
Contents
About
|
NEWSFLASH: I've also published a shorter version of this article to medium.com! Please support me by adding a "clap" at: The Need-to-Pee Scale |
The 0 to 10 "Need-to-Pee scale" below might just be the silliest scale I've ever made – but ironically, it might also be the most practical. Whether you're on a long drive, stuck in a meeting, or waiting for someone to finish shopping at IKEA... this scale gives voice to that most urgent and universal of human experiences: needing to wee.
My Graphical Representation of the "Need-to-Pee Scale" (0-10)
The idea: Not all bodily signals are created equal. Some creep up on you like a stealthy ninja (level 4), while others hit you with the urgency of a DEFCON 1 situation (level 10). And let’s face it — some people are far too polite to admit they’re internally screaming, crossing their legs, and calculating how long till the next servo. This chart is for them. And for you.
Using this Scale
On your next road trip, instead of asking "does anyone need to stop?" try this: “What’s your number on the pee scale?” You'll be amazed how fast people fess up that they’re secretly at an 8, doing a wiggle in the back seat.
This is a fun tool for families, rideshares, long-haul truckers, teachers who can’t leave the classroom, and people on third dates who drank two kombuchas and don’t want to break the mood.
- Level 0 is bliss.
- Level 5 is “I can hold this meeting together.”
- Level 10 is “Get out of my way or hand me a bottle!”
Use it liberally. Use it respectfully. And if someone says they’re at a 9, don’t say "just a few more minutes" unless you’re okay cleaning car seats.
You might even use it yourself the next time you're comfortable in bed, knowing that you can't fall asleep because you are at an 8... but you're resisting leaving the comfort of the bed. We've all been there. Just get out of bed!
Sincerely,
Andrew Noske
- PS: If you're ever unsure whether someone is at a 6 or an 8, look at their walking style. Awkward shuffle = trouble.
- PSS: Ironically, I'm writing this while I'm at a uncomfortable 7.... I'm just excited to get it finished before I get relief!
See Also
- Drunkenness scale – Another urgent and escalating bodily function.
- Personal independence scale – For people who refuse to ask for a bathroom break until it’s almost too late.
