Drunkenness scale
Contents
About
|
NEWSFLASH: I've also published a shorter version of this article to medium.com! Please support me by adding a "clap" at: The Drunkenness Scale |
The 0 to 10 "Drunkenness Scale" below is a light-hearted way to track just how far gone you (or your mate) might be. It's not about chronic alcoholism. It's not about that uncle who has two beers before breakfast. No – this scale is for those in-the-moment moments: wild teens discovering vodka cruisers, bored mums on a night out with their girlfriends, and anyone who’s ever woken up next to a kebab wrapper and thought, "What happened last night?". This one is for you!
Whether you're one drink in and suddenly charming... or you’re eight drinks deep and spooning a traffic cone – this scale is here to help you laugh, reflect, and maybe, just maybe, know when to switch to water.
My Graphical Representation of the "Drunkenness Scale" (0–10)
The idea: At some point in our lives, we’ve all seen *that* friend – glassy-eyed, telling the Uber driver they're a "legend," or proudly announcing they just texted their ex. Again. This scale is a tongue-in-cheek attempt to plot the trajectory from "I’ll just have one" to "I love you guys so much, seriously."
Food tastes better when drunk. Conversations are deeper, louder, and make less sense. Street signs become tempting dance poles. And kebabs become a religion.
Whether you're the responsible one holding everyone's hair back, or the chaos goblin licking someone's pet turtle, there's a place for you on this scale.
Using this Scale
If you have drinking issues - please see professional help. don't be using this graphic for therapy. This graphic, is not a tool for judging long-term drinking habits or addiction (I might do that in a separate scale another time). It's just a silly, social thermometer for those nights when the responsible adult in your brain puts its feet up and lets your inner gremlin take the wheel.
Use this scale among friends, on a night out, or the next morning when piecing together what exactly happened after "just a couple of drinks." You might find yourself proudly declaring you peaked at a 5 ("Party mode! I was Travolta!") or nervously discovering you hit a 9 and owe several apologies and maybe a new houseplant to your Airbnb host.
Sincerely,
Andrew Noske
PS: If you are at a 7 or above, someone should probably take your phone. And maybe your wallet.
See Also
- Sex drive scale – because drunk you thinks it’s always time.
- Flirting comfort scale – goes up in direct proportion to alcohol consumed - but you're not doing it as well as you think you are.
