Horniness scale
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The 0 to 10 "Horniness scale" below is a playful measure of libido level in the moment. It's not about your average sex drive or whether you’re monogamous, polyamorous, or celibate — it's about how turned on you’re feeling *right now*. From cold as pasta to red-hot ravager, where do you fall?
My Graphical Representation of the "Horniness Scale" (0-10)
The idea: Desire isn’t always logical. Sometimes we’re walking cinnamon buns of temptation, and other times we're basically monks. I created this scale as a tongue-in-cheek way to reflect on your current libido, laugh about it, or maybe explain to a partner why your hands are wandering or why you're just not feeling it. Libido is fluid. And funny. So why not measure it? This scale ranges from "Celibate Sage" to "Horny AF," with stops along the way for flirty thoughts, DM-sliding tendencies, and mild existential pasta confusion.
Using this Scale
You can use this chart to check in with yourself or communicate with others — if you dare. As with any of my scales, it’s meant for laughs, but it can also be a helpful tool for sparking honest conversations about intimacy. Use it among friends, lovers, or strangers in awkward elevator rides (okay, maybe not that last one).
Just remember: Horniness fluctuates. Today’s "meh" might be tomorrow’s "sploosh!" And that’s perfectly normal. Whether you're on fire or in full monk mode, own it.
As Cheryl says, “Ask me about my favourite necklace, big boy.”
Sincerely,
Andrew Noske
See Also
- Sex drive scale – Similar idea, but more about your long-term libido style.
- Flirting comfort scale – A fun one to pair with this if you're navigating the dating world.
