Text messaging scale
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The 0 to 10 "text messaging scale" scale below is purely to help you out the next time you're trying to start a relationship (even a friend relationship) where one of your texts the other far more frequently, and suddenly the anxious side emerges. At the very least, talk about where you are on this scale, and develop a solution like sending a decided-upon emoji after a big text to let the other person know, even if you're in a meeting, you are thinking of them and will get back when you have the space to do so.
My Graphical Representation of the "Text messaging scale" (0-10)
Why Establish this Early
The scale may look silly, but the longer you go before establishing how you expect the other to text or not text you, the more harm it can cause your relationship. Share this scale as a playful way to bring it up early.
Finding Balance between "Living in the Now" versus "Ignoring Friends"
One interesting thing I've realised is that people high on the Woo-Woo scale are often terrible at texting. There is a certain amount of truth that you can enjoy the present moment and reduce anxiety by ignoring your phone, by not being at its beck-and-call waiting for a "ping". If you're out to dinner with someone, it's rude to be looking at your phone. The modern challenge in life, however, is managing that with the idea that your family, friends or lover will feel neglected if you ignore their text message for days. That's just another wonderful challenge to communicate and find a solution. Maybe to check your phone at designated times during the day, and indeed, send emojis when a huge message seems overwhelming. Even a hippy should be able to communicate: "I'm taking a two-week break from my phone" so you don't have to worry they died on their latest alternative medicine adventure. I'm actually not great at texting, so maybe the says something for me on the woo-woo scale. Or maybe I just struggle with trying to manage SMS, Facebook Messenger, WhatsApp, Teams/Skype, Telegram, and it feels like half a dozen other apps we're supposed to keep track of - so part of my solution is sending friends this page and telling friends not to Facebook Message me for anything important - because sometimes it takes months for me to see those!
Sincerely,
Andrew Noske
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