Delusions of grandeur scale
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The 0 to 10 "Delusions of Grandeur scale" is here to help you lovingly call out your former boss, your friend with a God complex, or — just maybe — yourself. It's a satirical look at how inflated (or deflated) our egos can become when we mistake over-confidence for divine purpose.
My Graphical Representation of the "Delusions of Grandeur Scale" (0-10)
I would have to assume most "normal people" are 1 on this scale. Unlike most of my scales, this one only applies to a minority of people. Some of them are dangerous, some of them are infuriating, but most are entertaining to read about - so long as you don't come between them and their ego/vision.
The idea: This scale is not so much about confidence, but something a little darker... the *delusion* of being chosen, special, above the rules. Think cult leaders. Think self-help "gurus" with private jets and a strangely intense stare. Think of that ex-colleague who made their own motivational posters featuring themselves.
And yes, Zapp Brannigan (from the Futurama tv show) is the spiritual mascot of this scale — a man so obliviously arrogant he'd hit on a cactus and then brag about being “a master of seduction.” Zapp lives at the top of this scale, renting space alongside figures like Kanye West, Jim Jones, Hitler, Elon Musk and Donald Trump. These are people who don’t just think they're smart — they think they're *saviours*. Which, let's be honest, gets dangerous fast. History’s worst tyrants started by believing the world needed them... desperately. And who thought they were above the law - and sadly some of them have the charisma and charm to gain following.
But make no mistake — this scale isn’t just an ego roast. Being too far on the low end isn’t great either. If you’re so modest you disappear into the walls, that's not humility — it’s a vanishing act. Somewhere in the middle is a sweet spot: a person with confidence, self-awareness, and enough perspective to take feedback without melting.
It's wild to consider that someone like Gandhi or Fred Rogers probably hovered around a 1 or 2 on this scale — quietly changing the world while still doing the dishes. They didn’t need to yell about their greatness, because they *were* great. Meanwhile, history gave us folks like Napoleon, who was 5’6” in boots but acted like a living god.
So, where are you and your least-favourite boss on this spectrum? Posting quotes you invented in a group chat? Or meditating your ego into nothingness? Wherever you land, may this scale bring a chuckle, and maybe a tiny flash of self-reflection.
Using this Scale
Use this chart to call out your mate who refers to themselves in the third person. Or yourself, if you just told someone you’re “basically the Tony Robbins of your friend group.” Use it as satire, as therapy, or just to rate your spiritual coach who keeps calling themselves a “vessel.”
Note that this is not the same as a confidence scale; there are plenty of confident people who are humble. This scale is about when confidence goes off the rails and crashes into Mount Olympus.
Warning: if someone reads this and gets offended, they might be somewhere around a 7+.
Bonus: If you ever meet someone who says "I'm god’s gift to the universe" without irony — run. Or hand them this chart.
Sincerely,
Andrew Noske
- PS: Even notice that it's almost always men who have the god complex! I mean, cummon ladies - you're all about equality - bring us some real megalomania! So far Elizabeth Holmes (the founder of failed sham company Theranos) and Anna Delvey (who convinced NYC elite she was a millionaire genius) are the worst you've done in narcissistic personality.
- PSS: I was tempted to add Steve Jobs, Nikola Tesla and Tom Cruise, to the list of god-complex.... but some people argue they have talent (even Tom Cruise, perhaps, if running fast is a talent), so I'll omit them. Pathological self-importance - perhaps - but you have to admire that Steve Jobs, although a jerk as a person apparently, had an actual vision - unlike most white Americans men who have oodles of unearned confidence without any wisdom or skill to back it up.
See Also
- Masculinity scale – The cousin to this page, with more swords and fewer messiah complexes.
- Personal independence scale – Sometimes, you just want to go off-grid and build your own throne from recycled kombucha bottles.
