Superficial dating scale
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The 0 to 10 "Superficial Dating Scale" below is a cheeky way to explore how much weight you place on looks, status, or sparkle when it comes to attraction. We're all a little shallow sometimes, but self-awareness is sexy.
My Graphical Representation of the "Superficial Dating Scale" (0–10)
The idea: Everyone is superficial to some degree — it's built into our biology and social wiring. Some people care more about abs and status symbols, others about shared values and inner beauty. This scale doesn't judge — it just invites you to notice what's driving your dating decisions. Do you swipe left on crocs or a non-fashionable shirt? Or swipe right on soul spark?
Using this Scale
This chart is a playful way to reflect on how you approach attraction. Are you prioritising aesthetics over emotional connection? Are you drawn more to "the package" than what’s inside it? No shame — just curiosity.
Some people may sit higher on this scale because they’re on dating apps constantly. Some might proudly live around the middle — looks matter, but so does chemistry and character. Others might land at the bottom: the kind of people who fall in love with your energy before they even know your eye colour. Wherever you are — or have been — this scale is a fun conversation starter, not a moral compass.
Use this chart among friends to share laughs, cringe at your own dating past, or check in with what really matters to you now. You might be surprised how your standards shift over time, or how your standards stayed high but your patience got low.
The High Heel Effect
Let's talk status. In what's often called the "high heel effect," studies show women are less likely to date "down" — particularly when it comes to status, education, or ambition. It makes sense: in evolutionary terms, securing a stable and capable partner meant better chances for survival and thriving children.
But in modern society, something interesting has happened. Women now make up the majority of university graduates in many countries — they're earning more degrees and often outpacing men in certain fields. That’s fantastic news for gender equality, but it also means the dating pool has shifted. A highly educated woman may find it harder to find a man she perceives as "on her level." Meanwhile, men are still more likely to date "across" or "down" in status without hesitation.
The result? Some incredible women are left wondering: "Where are all the emotionally available, successful, tall-enough guys with a sense of humour and a passion for therapy?" Good question. Well, they exist, but there are just not enough to go around. And if you really after after six feet, six figure salary and six pack (666 is coined in the US)... well those men are mostly gay or taken... and if they are single, they can often date whoever they choose.
PS: The high heel effect is something I heard in a podcast as it struck me as so scary yet profound I might actually make a separate wiki page about it.
More Superficial: Men or Women?
I've often wondered if it was men or women who are more superficial. I used to think men, but after hanging out with lots of women in Hawaii, who openly objectified men, I've decided I'm wrong. There's a good chance men and women are equally superficial - just in different ways. There's a reason men are attracted more to beauty, but generally will sleep with anyone, and a reason women want only to sleep with the most impressive man. You'll read about it in the next section.
Before the advent or marriage, humanity had a more polyamorous origin story, where it was advantageous to breed with the "alpha male." This tendency still shows up today on dating apps — a small number of men get the lion’s share of attention. For instance, men make up roughly 76% of Tinder users, and they swipe right much more broadly, yet receive matches only about 0.6% of the time, higher if they are attractive or near zero if they are not in that upper rare percent of men.
The Evolutionary Angle - Age, Beauty, Wealth
Why do men tend to chase youth and curves, and women often seek power and presence? The answer exists in evolution. Biologically, men are wired to seek traits associated with fertility: youth, clear skin, wide hips, and health. Women, on the other hand, are evolutionarily drawn to traits that suggest a provider: confidence, resources, leadership, and maturity.
It's not shallow — it's primal. But that doesn't mean we're stuck with caveman instincts. These impulses were helpful in ancient times to increase the chance of producing healthy offspring. In the modern world, though, we have the luxury of being more intentional. You can choose to prioritise kindness over cash. Playfulness over pecs. Presence over prestige.
Understanding where our impulses come from gives us power — we can honour biology while evolving beyond it.
Sincerely,
Andrew Noske
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Inspiration for this Article
I used to be very judgmental of older men who dated much younger women. It kind of helps alleviate my judgments to realise it's instinct. I actually used to love dating older women sometimes, but now in my 40s and finally back in Australia, and want to start a family... I've realised that (a) most women my age can't have kids, and (b) even if they did want kids, there's sometimes a bitterness that women hit when they realise they were once in demand and now get overlooked by younger women, past some kind of mysterious inflection point. It's sadly a self-fulfilling prophecy, and the young/rich are getting richer. If you are bitter about being overlooked, you get less attractive. Attractiveness is half attitude, so if you can stay young at heart (female or male), you increase your dating pool. The other thing, of course, that you can change is your metrics. On a personal note, I've definitely noticed the bitterness when I date my own age, but I'm a little sad I spent so much time in the US trying to save money for a house (to increase my attractiveness) that I might have missed my window for that.
I might have to change my metrics to... or at least get back the confidence I lost recently.
So what inspired/provoked me to write this article?!
I decided to write this scale not long after going to the movies with a friend to see "Materialists". I run Conscious Speed Dating Brisbane with a friend, so it seemed like a fun one to watch. It the title suggests, though, the main character is highly materialistic - as are many people in New York (having visited New York while living in the US I can attest to that)! While some audiences didn't like the movie, I thought it hid quite a bit of depth and conversation about the modern world and what people seek for validation or to get ahead. In contrast to the type of conversations I have with friends and dates, it was a really cold conversation in the movie - uncomfortable to watch - and yet I know many people like that. Elitist on height, looks, and wealth. We all have that in us.Shortly afterwards, I went to dinner with a wonderful woman who said she had an eating disorder. Not-so-secretly, I was hoping it was a date; she does have incredible energy, but I also wondered if her projection of people needing to be thin applies to others. I tweaked my shoulder, and my work had recently been so busy, so I had put on a little weight, which I'm now desperate to shed, because it felt like she said I was an incredible human, but she didn't find me attractive. Ouch. Then again, maybe more of my attraction to her (than I realised) was because she was stunning - would I have been so eager if she wasn't attractive? We're all human - few of us are zero on this scale, and (hopefully) few people are at ten. I hope this article isn't triggering - rather, it's a brain dump from a lot of things that have been on my mind about my observations about humans... especially after living in the U.S. where things were expensive and people's immediate question was "what do you do", as a way to measure you.
In truth, we all have these insecurities, and most of us want people who see our inner beauty. When we ask ourselves the question "what if I can find the love of my life, but being vulnerable about my insecurities"... I do still believe that's when we're most likely to find the one! Don't underestimate the attractiveness of vulnerability to the people who matter most - the ones who would make incredible life partners based on your soul verses something fleeting.
See Also
- Flirting comfort scale – Because maybe your eye contact game is stronger than your abs.
- Sex drive scale – Not everything’s about looks. Sometimes it’s just about heat.
- Besotted scale – When superficiality fades and love takes root.
