Tidiness scale
Contents
About
|
NEWSFLASH: I've also published a shorter version of this article to medium.com! Please support me by adding a "clap" at: The Besotted Scale |
The 0 to 10 "Tidiness scale" below is a light-hearted take on just how neat (or not) you keep your living space. It was inspired while I was working on my Hoarder scale, which made me wonder: can someone be a hoarder and still tidy? Like, neatly stacked towers of newspapers and alphabetised cereal boxes from 1992? Probably not, but true tidiness isn't just about having *less stuff* - it's about vacuuming like a full-grown adult with purpose.
My Graphical Representation of the "Tidiness Scale" (0–10)
The idea: There’s a spectrum between “I label my light switches” and “I think there’s still a lasagna under the couch.” And where you fall on that line is part personality, part lifestyle, and part how recently your parents came to visit. This scale is just a humorous way to self-reflect, laugh, or nudge your housemates toward cleaner habits (or away from full-blown vacuum obsession).
My Dirty Truth
For me, I’m usually around a 6 — clean enough that people won’t judge, and I even get compliment that I keep my house clean (for a man).... but I'm not quite mop-the-floors material. Also, when I’m working on a big creative project or packing for a camping trip, my living room can drop down to a 3 faster than you can say "controlled chaos."
My most fun moments I've ever had was dating someone who introduced me to the cleanup party, where you put on party music and clean your place! Much less fun solo though - doesn't have the reward of having sex on a freshly cleaned kitchen counter when you are done. ;)
Using this Scale
Use this scale for self-assessment, gentle teasing, or figuring out why you can’t find your left shoe. Unlike the Hoarder scale, which is more about how much stuff you accumulate, the Tidiness Scale is about what you do with it. Do you vacuum like Bert from Sesame Street (level 10) or live in a semi-functional jungle gym (level 0)?
This isn't about shame — we've all been there. Sometimes life gets messy. But if you're a 3 and your partner is a 9, maybe it's time to invest in some compromise... or a Roomba with boundary issues.
Most of all: keep it fun, keep it light, and don't forget to clean under your bed. Moldy pizza is nobody’s spiritual totem.
Sincerely,
Andrew Noske
See Also
- Hoarder scale – For the people who still have their old Tamagotchi, 7 CRT monitors, and a milk crate full of "potential craft supplies."
- Personal independence scale – For assessing whether you’re living your best self-sufficient life, or calling mum to ask how long rice takes to boil.
