Quotes

< back

Quotes from people I know:

Last updated: 24-Feb-2019

I'm obviously not going to update this often, but I believe when a friend says something you find funny - for any reason - you should write it down, thus ensuring they'll never live it down. You should especially write it down if they were drunk - or you were drunk for that matter. June 2005 I added some stuff from Brisbane - before I moved to Brisbane my housemates use to have a list of quotes written up on a huge poster - many from the "legendary Simmo" - but they were silly enough to lose it! Honestly. Every now and again I'll write something down, but most of the real gems I forget forever. Sad, but true.

Brisbane:

Nikki moments:

A "Nikki question": A question which reveals one's own ignorance.
Examples:
- "How many meters in a kilometer?"

Housemates 2005:

What's so funny a'boat my accent? -- Krista (Canadians are fun)
Awwww I waaannnttt onnneee.! -- Krista (something she says every time she sees a fluffy animal)
Noske, do you know the meaning of the word tact? -- Alby (known in Cairns as Albert, and as Alby in Brisbane; a master of hidden identity).
Noske, you do the weirdest things -- housemate Jess.
I'm sorry I woke you guys up last night; I promise I'll never drink again -- Jen (she wrote this on our whiteboard. The next day it happened again)
Well you find me an extra fifty dollars - which I don't have to spend on shoes or clothes - and I'll pay you to build Oscar a proper pen. -- Jen (Oscar is Jen's neglected guinea pig. Oscar is scared of anything that moves, and most things that don't move)
If men are from Mars, and women are from Venus, then computer people are from Pluto -- Jim Hampson
Noske, you do the weirdest things sometimes -- housemate Nikki
I didn't mean to kill the bird Alby -- Nikki (Nikki ran over a dove once, we're all pretty sure she was aiming for it)
You touched me in a way I've never been touched before by a girl; on the hand -- Alby MSN
I'm coming home early right now, just to leave a turd in the middle of your bed . and to urinate on the curtains . and in the fridge -- Albert MSN
Noske, you're a freak -- Jen (less subtle than the others).
You use to be fun Nikki -- Garpy.

Housemates - 2004 - (prior to my arrival):

I found these beauties on a little poster the house use to keep, with the title "famous words". They lost this poster after the move, but I discovered it eleven months later at the back of a cupboard, and typed them up.... all but the REALLY rude ones.
Alby, there's your hot water -- Simmo | It's hot -- Alby.
Of course I know how to put a "pig on the spit"! -- Simmo
Dude, don't you have to light it up somewhere? -- Webster (tryin gto turn on electric oven)
Sorry abou the 20 questions but is top of cube flat? -- Alby (via SMS about his room)
So where was the cube before it was in Alby's room? -- Mitch (upon inspecting Alby's room)
We've got to go to telstra to get the phone hooked up -- Jen | Why don't we just call them? -- Jess
Why don't we just call them?
I think I win in the bad taste department -- Jen (defiantly)
It's been four months since I'be seen Austin Powers... no, wait. Not four months - what're those other things called? Weeks! That's it! It's been 4 weeks. -- Simmo
I'm scared to fart in case I soil myself -- Nikki
"Celtic". Isn't that the service station down the road -- Simon
That's calTEX dumbarse -- Alby
Those corner stairs really fuck me up -- Simmo
Stop writing shit about me!! -- Simmo
Look at my boobs! -- Nikki | What about them? | -- Jen | They stick out | -- Nikki:
How many meters in a kilometer? -- Nikki. | Are you serious Nikki? -- Jim. | Oh... 100? -- Nikki. (before I arrived)
Oh THIS is my right hand! -- Jim

IMB - Level 6 - 2005:

We should all get together and bake some time -- Michael
Next time tell the bouncer "listen, I could spend money on an expensive pair of shoes... or I could spent that money at your bar. -- Rob
Playing guitar alone at night is for loonies -- CX
Well yes... more people would certainly visit your website if you called it something interesting like "clock porn" -- Tim

Sensible:

I think it you sit around analyzing things and looking for problems - you'll definitely find them (or at least invent some), but every relationship is gonna have imperfections. -- Rachel Woods (a cute, smart chick I met on the internet - she's real, honest)
If we knew the ending, it wouldn't be an adventure. -- Tanya

Cairns:

James Cook University:

There is a little lesbian in all of us. -- Jon Roberts
I am a lesbian trapped in a man's body.... -- Jon Roberts
"Hey Jon - your revision notes are like an introduction to pre-school art!" -- Joshua Bennett (Slider)
"Noske is a reincarnation of kermit the frog (hence the voice)" -- Joshua Bennett (Slider)
My plan is to kidnap everyone and replace them with exact robotic duplicates! I am a long way from this. My first attempt might be on Josh - as no one would notice the difference between him and a small blue robot. -- Jon Roberts
I have a couple of spare tennis rackets (I don't play though) - one is called "THUNDER HAMMER" and can only be used by people who are willing to invoke its awesome powers by yelling its name as they strike the balls (tennis) . -- Jon Roberts
NOSKE - if your notes are better - send them to me. BOB - If your notes are pretty - stop wasting time and study. PAUL - if you have no notes - Here they are (stop playing games). JOSH - If you have done the 2001 notes - SEND THEM TO ME NOW! SEAN - start doing some serious study - These notes are PUMPED. -- Jon Roberts
It's like taking baby from a candy. -- Jon Roberts
One of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had now way to indicate successful termination of their C programs. -- Jon Roberts (origionally Robert Firth)
Computer dating is okay...... If you're a computer. -- Slider
"If this attachment doesn't attach I will ritually suicide after cursing IMP to the deepest of pits in Hell" -- Joshua Bennet (Slider)
There are only 10 types of people. Those that understand binary and those that don't. -- Tim
Women...We don't say what we want, but we reserve the right to get pissed off if we don't get it... -- Eve
Your a card Noske, and you should be dealt with -- Ryan Beales
There comes a time in a man's life when he realizes he should stop trying to be the man he wants to be, and be the man he is. -- Bob
How can Lord of the Rings be fantasy - there are no naked babes in it!. -- Jon Roberts
Send me the deeds to your houses, mine seem to be missing. -- Slider
I am as one with nature. Arrghh! There's a bug in my ear! -- Scott
Vague is a magazine right?. -- Scott
"You can never truly claim to know a person until you've actually lived with them"
"It will be a great day when schools have all the money they need and the Air Force has to have a bake sale to buy a bomber." -- Anna Kintner (chick from America)
"Stop saying stuff about me, you're giving me a bad name" -- Robert
"I disagree Bob, if you want someone to blame for your bad name then blame your parents." -- Me
"Hey Toni - maybe we should replace you with a witches hat. It might stop more goals" -- Sean (talking about Toni's performance as a goal keeper during Broomball)
"You're a card Noske, and you should be dealt with" -- Ryan Beales
"Oh yer... errr... - well you're a calendar Ryan.... your days are numbered.... no wait... that's no good" -- Me
"Back up all your data and reinstall windows xp - it is good for the soul" -- Jon Roberts
"Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they AREN'T after you." -- Phillip Musumeci (although he tells me it comes from a BSD fortune cookie)
"There are no stupid questions, only stupid people" -- Jon Roberts

Before uni:

Noske, just read your e-mail however I, unfortunately have life of which you speak, so do not have time to write comical and intelligent response. -- Tristan Lovell (Tristan is the man)
Did you just touch my arse?! -- William
I woke up this morning and asked myself why? Why did god chose me of all people... to be the best in the world -- William

Other:

Never ruin a good story with the truth -- Uncle Jon

More to come maybe.....

Personal Pages